Helping Children (and Adults) Cope with the Loss of a Pet
- Admin
- Oct 30
- 4 min read
By Dr. Tzvi Furer, Child, Adolescent & Adult Psychiatrist | Palm Tree Psychiatry – Jupiter & Boca Raton, FL
Understanding and Supporting Grief at Every Age
The loss of a beloved family pet is an emotionally devastating and painful experience for just anybody to endure. Pets often serve a huge role in family dynamics, and their role ranges from emotional or physical support, trusted companions, and a source of comfort during difficult times. When a pet passes away, it can be a child (or even an adult)'s first experience with loss and the painful reminder of the passage of time. It can also serve as to reinforce concepts such as responsibility and unconditional love, and the grief process itself can look wildly different depending on the individual.
As with many conditions and events affecting children and adolescents of all ages, it is important to frame these events in a developmentally appropriate lens. As with grief of any age, while there many not be a specific way to handle loss, it is important to allow a safe space to process the loss itself. When a pet passes away, parents are left not only with their own grief, but also with the important job of helping their child understand what has happened in a way that is both honest and developmentally appropriate. While it may be convenient or even easier to lie or misrepresent what's occurred, it is important to allow the space to process what's occurred in a manner that won't leave a lasting negative impact.
Why Pet Loss Matters So Deeply
For many children, a pet may have been part of their life since infancy or early childhood. Children are often reliant on routine and structure, and many bonding activities with animals including walking, feeding, even cuddling, can reinforce strong emotional bonds and feelings. When a pet is gone, children may feel a variety of emotions including sadness, anger, frustration, guilt or even numbness. Whatever the emotion, it is important to validate the emotions. For many young children, this may even be their first experience with death, and about its permanency. This experience, even when occurring suddenly or rapidly, may leave a lasting impact that shapes their perspective on loss, healing, and even family support for many years to come.
Talking About Loss: Age-Appropriate Guidance
Preschool (Ages 3–5):Young children often have a concrete view of the world. While there may be expectations that children may not "notice", it is strongly recommended to avoid vague statements such as the pet "going away" or "went to sleep." Often, this can be confusing to a young child who may feel guilt or anger. They may even blame themselves for what's occurred. Gentle and clear phrases such as "our pet died, which means that their body stopped working" can be helpful to a child in this age frame. Children should be encouraged to share any feelings through stories, play, or drawings. It is also typical for a child to continue asking about a pet, as they may not understand the finality of death, and may need gentle reminders as they continue to get older.
School-Age Children (Ages 6–9): At this stage, children have a better understanding of the permanency of death, but still can experience bouts of magical thinking or even guilt. It is not uncommon for a child in this age range to ask questions such as "Is this my fault?" Reassurance is key in this age group, and it is recommended to answer questions fully and honestly. A small ritual, that may even include a funeral or a photo slideshow, may be helpful to express emotions in a safe manner.
Preteens and Adolescents (Ages 10–17): Older children and teens may attempt to hide or mask their sadness or grief, due to concern over showing their emotions. It is important in this age group to normalize grief by sharing your own feelings, which can include sadness, anger, or even numbness. Open conversations are important to be shared and including children of this age in any form of memorialization or ways of saying goodbye to the pet.
Supporting Healing as a Family
Model Healthy Grieving: Show your child that it’s okay to cry and talk about your own feelings. Modeling is important to demonstrate to family members that any form of grief is acceptable.
Maintain Routine: Continued following of normal routines and structure helps children and teens feel safe when everything else feels uncertain.
Celebrate the Pet’s Life: It is encouraged to look through photos, tell stories, or even holding a brief ceremony to honor the bond you shared. Child and teens may even ask to see photos and videos of a pet when they were younger, and it may help to reinforce positive bonds and connection.
Avoid Immediate Replacement: While tempting to try to immediately replace a pet, is important to give time for emotions to settle before introducing a new pet to a grieving family unit, so that a new companion is not seen as a “replacement.”
When to Seek Additional Support
While loss and grief is a natural process, some children and teens may struggle with prolonged sadness, withdrawal, or behavioral changes that can affect school or relationships. It is important to assess for continued difficulties in functioning that may be associated with mental health conditions such as anxiety, depression or trauma, If you’re concerned, consider consulting a child and adolescent psychiatrist or therapist who can help your child process their emotions in a safe and supportive environment. At Palm Tree Psychiatry, with offices in Jupiter and Boca Raton, Florida, our office works with children, adolescents, and families both in-person and through telehealth across Florida, New York, and Connecticut.
This blog is dedicated to the recent loss of Dr. Furer's own dog, Baxter. Baxter lived a full 13.5 year life that included travel to multiple states, meat delicacies of all types, and. a lot of belly rubs. He will be missed dearly.
🌴 At Palm Tree Psychiatry, Dr. Tzvi Furer is an experienced adult, child and adolescent psychiatrist who is ready to aid you in your mental health journey. He was a late introduction to the world of pets, but loved every minute of it. Even in loss, Dr. Furer believes that love endures. If you are interested in a consultation, please visit our website at www.palmtreepsychiatry.com.